“Things I Have Learned… Usually the Hard Way”
Someone said to me yesterday, “Oh, if I had your life…” and I cringed so hard I think I pulled a muscle. The second those words left her mouth, I felt this wave of pressure—like I was supposed to live up to some sparkly, airbrushed version of my life she’s dreamed up. Spoiler alert: that’s a heavy burden to carry. Trust me.
Here’s the truth: my life isn’t all that different from anyone else’s. I have highs that feel like champagne toasts, and I have lows that feel like I faceplanted on the sidewalk in those same champagne heels. It’s a balance. That got me thinking about what’s really important in life. I’ve journaled about this in the past (look at me, trying to be deep), and I keep coming back to a few simple things.
I’m sure this list will grow because, let’s be honest, none of us have all the answers (and if someone says they do, RUN). But here’s where I’m at so far—and feel free to chime in with your own. We’re all just figuring it out together, right?
And yes, I know this sounds a little Miss America of me. I almost gave myself a cavity writing it. But hey, we’re here to be real, not perfect. Life’s messy, funny, and a little ridiculous sometimes—just like this list.
1. Make peace with your past, or it’ll sneak into your present and make a mess of your future like an overpacked suitcase you can’t shut. And let’s be real—most of your problems come from overthinking, so maybe give your brain a break before it starts plotting its own Netflix drama. Life isn’t fair—my Daddy, Roger, used to tell me, “KK, ‘fair’ is where you get cotton candy and ride the ferris wheel.” And you know what? He was right. No one owes you a thing. The only person you’re truly responsible for is you. So show up, lighten the load, and if all else fails, go find some cotton candy—it fixes more than you’d think.
2. Don’t worry about what other people think of you (easier said than done, right?). This one’s tough for me because let’s be honest—who doesn’t want to be liked? But here’s the deal: worrying about social judgment makes people play small, and playing small is no fun. If you’re doing anything worthwhile, it’s bound to annoy someone. There will always be critics—they’ll roll their eyes, whisper behind your back, or flat-out tell you your dream is ridiculous. Let them. The truth is, you can’t make an impact if you’re tiptoeing around trying to please everyone. So go after that wild, crazy, “they’ll never take me seriously” dream and let them laugh. Because in the end, you’ll have the last laugh—and probably a better story to tell.
3. Time really does heal almost everything, even if it feels like it’s taking its sweet time. Whenever I’m convinced I’m in the middle of a life-ending catastrophe, I stop and ask myself: “Will this still matter in 5 hours? What about 5 months? Or 5 years?” (Spoiler: the answer is usually “no.”) And as for the people who did you wrong? Forget them. They’ve probably already forgotten you, so don’t waste your energy renting out valuable headspace to people who don’t deserve it. Life’s too short to carry grudges—travel light.
4. Don’t compare your life to others—seriously, that’s like comparing apples to oranges, or worse, apples to Instagram filters. Everyone’s journey is different, and trust me, nobody’s posting the bloopers. Try not to judge others too quickly either—you don’t know what they’ve been through or how many plot twists got them to where they are. Take the high road whenever you can—it’s got better views and way fewer cringe-worthy moments to regret later. And don’t trust first impressions too much—people will surprise you. Some of the best people I know didn’t exactly come off as “best friend material” at first, but they proved me wrong. Life’s way better when you give it—and people—a little room to surprise you.
5. Remember, it’s totally fine not to have all the answers—nobody does (and anyone who says they do is lying or in denial). The weight of the world can cloud your brain faster than a foggy car window in winter. Clarity will come when you least expect it—usually when you’re in the shower, stuck in traffic, or trying to fall asleep. In the meantime, focus on being the person you want to be, because guess what? You’re stuck with that person every single day. So make them someone you actually like hanging out with.
6. NO ONE is in charge of your happiness but you. Seriously, stop outsourcing your joy like it’s a chore on your to-do list. Looking to others for approval or advice on how to live your life is like handing them the remote to your favorite show—they’ll just mess it up. Follow your heart—it’s not perfect, but it’s the best GPS you’ve got (and it won’t ask you to “recalculate” every five minutes). Oh, and if you haven’t read Co-Dependent No More, do yourself a favor and grab a copy. It’s a total game-changer—trust me, it’ll save you a lot of unnecessary drama and give you your power back.
7. Smile—it’s your secret weapon. Not the fake “everything’s fine” kind, but the real, genuine “I’ve got this” kind. And here’s the thing: keep some parts of your life sacred. You don’t have to share everything with everyone (trust me, some things are better left off the group chat). Stay true to yourself, because being a follower is overrated and, let’s be honest, exhausting. People are drawn to authenticity, so own your quirks, your weirdness, and your unique spark—because the world doesn’t need another beige crayon in the box.
8 Help those in need. Not for the recognition, a pat on the back, or some grand standing ovation, because it’s what decent humans do. Life has a way of throwing curveballs, and one day, you might find yourself on the other side, hoping for a hand. I live by this: “If you can, then you do” and here is a secret about helping - it gives back in ways you cannot imagine. Every time an agency or school receives a K9 from K9s.org and says “THANK YOU for all you do” It’s like a serotonin explosion straight to my soul. This is better than chocolate, espresso or finding a $20 in an old coat pocket. Helping reminds others that good still exists, and knowing you are the reason someone says “Wow, there really are good people out there that truly care” is one of the best feelings in the world.
9. Give thanks—it’s way better than begging for forgiveness later (and way less awkward). Gratitude is like the social currency that never goes out of style, and throwing out a little appreciation or validation can work wonders. It’s amazing how far a “thank you” can go—sometimes it’s the difference between someone holding the door for you or slamming it in your face. Plus, showing gratitude makes you look like the MVP of emotional intelligence. Win-win, right? Who doesn’t need a little extra feel good in their heart?
10. Hold on to the good times, because obsessing over the bad ones will only give you an ulcer—trust me, I’ve got the bleeding ulcers and anxiety receipts to back that up. The bad stuff has a way of replaying itself on a loop in your head like a bad TikTok trend, so you have to actively hit pause and focus on the good. And since memory can be a little unreliable (thanks, stress), keep a journal to capture the wins—big or small. One day, you’ll flip through it and think, “Damn, I’ve had some pretty amazing moments.” Plus, it’s cheaper than therapy.
11. Nothing monumental happens to people who are lazy or sitting around waiting for life to hand them a gold trophy just for showing up. Success isn’t Amazon Prime—you’ve got to hustle for it. Bust your ass, put in the work, and let your results do the talking. People respect accomplishments that didn’t come with shortcuts, and honestly, there’s nothing better than seeing the look on someone’s face when you succeed and they realize you didn’t just “get lucky.” Hard work: the ultimate mic drop.
12. Start today by dreaming so big it scares you—big enough to make people think you’ve lost it. Small dreams? Forget them. They’re not worth your time or energy. The world isn’t changed by people who play it safe or aim low. And don’t you dare let anyone tell you it can’t be done—most of the time, they’re just projecting their own fears onto you. Prove them wrong. Dream bold, chase hard, and show the world exactly what happens when someone refuses to settle for “impossible.”
13. Choose your words wisely, because trust me, they have a boomerang effect—and not the fun, Instagram kind. The good ones will come back to lift you up when you least expect it, but the bad ones? Oh, they’ll sneak up on you like an embarrassing Facebook memory from 10 years ago. Speak with intention, because your words have power, and someday, you’ll either be grateful for them or wishing you’d kept your mouth shut.
14. If you can count your true friends on one hand and still have three fingers left over, congratulations—you’ve hit the jackpot. True friends are rare, like finding a parking spot right by the door. They’re the ones who stick around for the ugly cries, the bad decisions, and the questionable haircuts. If you’ve got even one person like that, you’re doing better than most. And if you’ve got two? You’re practically rich in the friendship department. Hold onto them—they’re worth more than gold.
15. Avoid excess. (And trust me, this is a battle I wrestle with daily—I’m no guru here.) Life’s better when it’s balanced, though finding balance can feel like trying to stand on one leg after happy hour. Too much of anything—even the good stuff—can turn into a recipe for regret. And honestly, you can’t take it with you when you go. My dad always said, “I’ve never seen a U-Haul behind a hearse,” and he’s right. No one’s getting buried with their Louis Vuitton collection for company.
Here’s something I’ve learned the hard way: flashy consumption doesn’t win you friends; it just stirs up haters. And envy? That’s a one-way ticket to wasting your energy. You already have what you need—stop chasing “more” and start appreciating what’s right in front of you. It’s a whole lot better for your sanity (and your storage space).
16. Your kids only get one childhood, so make it unforgettable. Do things with them that make their jaws drop—build blanket forts, chase fireflies, or dance like fools in the kitchen. Let them see the messy, real version of you, even when it means crying in front of them. It shows them that being human is okay. Those little moments you share now? They’re the glue that keeps you close later, no matter how crazy life gets. Build that bond while you can, because trust me, it’ll be the thing you both hold onto when the world feels a little too big.
17. This life hack is simple: what you allow is what will continue. Really, it’s not rocket science—it’s basic cause and effect. If you keep tolerating things that drain you, disrespect you, or hold you back, they’re just going to keep showing up like an uninvited guest who doesn’t know when to leave. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s self-respect. You teach people how to treat you by what you accept, so make sure the lesson is worth learning.
18. If you want to be happy, it’s really not rocket science. Just love what you do and believe in it—simple, right? Look, if you wake up every morning dreading what’s ahead, no amount of overpriced lattes or motivational posters is going to fix that. Find something that makes you excited to roll out of bed (okay, maybe not excited, but at least less grumpy). Life’s too short to spend your days hating your job—or worse, just tolerating it. Do what makes you feel alive, because nobody wants their tombstone to read, “Worked a job they hated, but hey, the benefits were decent.”
19. Praise people for the little things—even if it’s just holding the door, or giving a compliment where deserved. Seriously, everyone loves a little validation, and a simple “nice job” can make someone’s whole day. Did they not eat the last piece of pizza? Cheer them on like they just cured world hunger. It costs you nothing to say, “Wow, you nailed that,” but to the person hearing it, it’s everything. Good vibes are contagious, and honestly, who wouldn’t want to be remembered as the human equivalent of a standing ovation? Be that person—it makes life better for everyone.
20. Take care of your body—it’s the only one you’ll ever have, and trust me, it deserves better than neglect. Wear sunscreen (even if you think you don’t need it), floss like your future self will thank you, and aim to eat right most of the time—because balance is everything. When life gets tough and you feel like crying or spiraling, allow yourself that pint of Blue Bell, but don’t let it turn into a lifestyle. Take a walk, clear your head, and remind yourself that no storm lasts forever. And if you’ve only got $10 to your name, give it to the homeless guy on the corner—not because you have to, but because giving, even when it’s small, has a way of filling the cracks in your own heart. Life is all about balance—nothing in excess, but everything with purpose.
These are my “Life Lessons” take what works, laugh at what doesn’t and drop a comment with yours. Because let’s be real, none of us got a manual for life, and your hard-earned wisdom (or hilarious misstep) might just be the thing someone else needs to hear!
From my chaos to yours, with laughter and lessons,
KK